Les Larmes

Four months! Three months! Two months! One month! One week! One day! One hour! Happy New Year? Not so much! This is the clock inside of my head that consistently warns me that my time in France is VERY short! I have already been here for a month and have yet to solidify my life here. I have searched high and low for French people with whom I might experience life, but have yet to establish any sort of relationship. I feel as if I’m being impatient, but with only three months left, it’s like I’m drowning in an hourglass. The sand keeps on pouring; and when it’s done, it’s done! That’s it! No return! No regrets! Nothing! I must take what I have, pack it away, and go home. These experiences are great, but are they paramount? Why am I here? I spend hours each day talking with friends, laughing, joking, and learning; in English. In English I think, in English I speak, and in English I pray. If you would, for one minute, imagine yourself as a child. You are waiting in line at the greatest theme park in the world. It’s sort of hot outside, but your worries are gone. You’re ready to play! You’re ready for what seems to be the greatest experience you will ever have in your entire life! You and your family are only one family away from gaining entrance into the park. Thunder! Darkness! Rain!

For seven years I have dreamed of being in France and living amongst French people. Today I am in France, living amongst French people, but not is all as it seems. I am angry! I don’t want to go home, but I don’t want to be here. That is to say, I don’t want to be in this situation. I don’t want to be an English thinker, speaker, and prayer in France! I want to learn French! I-LOVE-FRANCE! But what is France to someone who lives in America while living in France? What is France to someone who only understands French when spoken to slowly? That isn’t France! That is French 1401 at Baylor University. Entry levels are necessary, but one would never teach a runner how to walk! One would never show an actor how to cry. Laisses-tomber! (Leave it alone!)

Today I woke up at 7h00 to get dressed and buy bred. When I went to the boulangerie I realized that I had left my money at home. I asked the lady if she took debit cards, but she told me no and pointed to an ATM across the street. I was already not in the mood to deal with a bad morning; however, when I got the ATM, my card wouldn’t work. Stupid me, I finally realized that I put the money in the small pocket of my jeans. I went back to the boulangerie and purchased the bread. It was hard. I think I made the lady mad for some reason. She had to have given me the hardest bread I have ever eaten! I get the feeling that she isn’t too fond of Americans. I’m sorry! It’s not my fault that my parents birthed me in the USA! Please allow me to denounce my nationality (or go home)! I was not happy!

When I went to school I gave a presentation on Religion in France amongst young people. It went very well as it sparked an hour conversation about religion. It was useful, but not truly French. International students speaking French does not qualify as a true French experience. I can hardly understand what any of the students are saying.

At lunch I ate with a group of girls from Wisconsin. They were very sweet, but they spoke English.

Tonight my friends from Baylor came over and Andrew made us all the most amazing hamburgers I have ever had in my entire life! They were paramount! Our conversations were in English. Later on, one of Andrew’s friends from school (French) came over. His name is Hervé and he speaks English very well! That made the conversations easy, but they were in English. Hervé spent last semester studying at Texas A&M University in College Station (Don’t get too excited Meredith). He was very encouraging about meeting French people. He told me (sometimes in French) that he felt the same way when he was in Texas. He understands how hard it is for foreigners to make friends in another country when they group together. He gave me some tips on how to meet other French people, and he got my phone number to call me some time in the future (that could be a long time from now). I will try to take his advice and see if I can’t make some lasting relationships within the next day or two. Please continue to pray!