This message will not be translated into French because I don't care to share with France what has recently gone down...
So I've had many discussions with my best friend John about how women are insane... And as I grow older, I become more and more aware of the accuracy of this point-of-view... You may not agree with me, and I may or may not care... But if you need a good ole' story to share with your friends over a nice glass of wine, here ya go cowboy:
I received a text from a girl a while back asking me to translate a sentence for her. When I saw who had sent me the message, I was excited because I had once tried to date her only to get the impression that she wasn't interested. However, when I saw that she just needed me to translate a message, I thought, "Oh great just another person who thinks that I moved to France to become the country's English professor..." I thus translated the message and sent it back. After, she sent me another message telling me that she hadn't seen me in a while. I then responded by saying that I myself had not seen her in a while. We exchanged a few messages and that was the end of the story. Two weeks later I started to think about the sentence that she had asked me to translate. After having thought it over, I realized that it wasn't a very complicated sentence and that she might have just used that as an excuse to contact me. I wasn't positive of my hypothesis, but was willing to do some research. I therefore sent her a message insisting on the fact that I hadn't seen her in a while and that we needed to grab a drink at some point. She responded positively and informed me that she was on vacation but that she would be happy to meet up when she got back to Paris. A few days later I sent another text just to see how she was doing and we continued to exchange messages back and forth for a while until she came back to Paris. At the end of every text conversation I insisted that she let me know when she makes it back to Paris so that we can go out for a drink. Each time she responded by telling me that she would be sure to contact me.
The day that she made it back to Paris, I didn't receive a message, but decided not to react just to give her some time. A few days later, I received a message asking me if I would be available to hang out with her either Friday or Saturday afternoon. I was very pleased to see that she had contacted me and opted for the Friday afternoon after work option. I offered to swing by her work to pick her up and got the permission from my boss to leave early on Friday. I was elated!
On Friday when I got to work, I told my closest colleagues that I would be taking a girl out after work. Everyone was so excited for me! I was hyped! I planned to leave the office at around 5pm but at around 4pm I couldn't work anymore because I was so nervous. I wasn't freaking out or anything, but just getting excited about what was about to happen. At 5pm I left the office wishing everyone a good weekend and plunged into the metro to pick up my date.
When I got to her work, I waited in the court yard for her to come out. She came out and seemed very excited. She started talking really fast as if she was nervous and began walking almost as fast as she was talking. I offered to take her to a wine bar in Montmartre and she seemed very enthused! We got to the wine bar and ordered a cheese tray with the appropriate wine to go with it. The waiter made some suggestions and spoke to us in wine terms that neither one of us understood. It was quite a funny yet romantic moment. During the date I had mentioned a Jewish restaurant that I had recently visited with a friend. She seemed interested and told me that she would like to try it some time. When we left the wine bar, I asked her if she was hungry and when she said yes, I offered to take her to the Jewish restaurant. She willingly accepted.
We had dinner at the restaurant and then I suggested that we take a walk through Paris. She was up for it. We then walked in front of City Hall and then in front of Notre Dame. At Notre Dame, we stopped and started chatting. I couldn't tell if she was ready to go home or if she wanted me to kiss her. I thus suggested that we keep walking. She then mentioned that she wanted to walk towards to metro in order to make sure that she didn't miss the last train home. I took that as a sign that she was not interested in me and ready to leave. I then walked us towards Pont Neuf (the most romantic bridge in Paris) where she just stopped and started watching the boats float by. I followed in her game and stopped to chat as we stared at the water. We then started walking again when she stopped once more to look at the water. This time, she took out some breath mints and offered one to me. I figured that it was a sign that she wanted to kiss, but I wasn't about to kiss her on our first date... She then stated that she was worried about finding her way back to her friend's apartment (where she was staying for the night) in the dark. I then said, "Don't worry; in any case, I will walk you home!" She seemed enthused with the idea, so we both took the last metro together back to her friend's apartment. When we got to the door of the apartment building, I figured that I would say good night and go home; however, she invited me in. I thus followed her in and we talked for a little while. Still wishing to be a gentleman, I didn't kiss her. When I felt like it was time to leave, I offered that we meet up on Sunday afternoon after church to go to the movies. She was exited with the idea and willingly accepted.
As I was walking home, she sent me a message to let me know that she had a wonderful evening. I responded saying that I had also had a great time.
On Saturday, I sent her a message telling her to have a good evening with her sister (as she had planned to spend Saturday evening with her sister). She responded and we exchanged a few texts throughout the day. I met up with a friend of mine later on that afternoon and explained to him the whole situation. He was so happy for me! We both agreed that she seemed interested and that I was a pretty lucky fellow! I then mentioned that I needed to buy her a gift because her birthday was in July and she was not in Paris for me to see her. He recommended that we go to a gourmet grocery store where they sell some of the most amazing macaroons in the world. I agreed with the idea and followed him to the store where I purchased a nice tin with 14 macaroons wrapped in a nice gift sack with a ribbon.
The next day (Sunday) I met up with the girl after church and she said, "Hey would you mind if we went to see the film Brave?" and when she meant "we", she was talking about her plus three other girls... FML!!! I agreed (like an idiot) and followed these women to the theater. After the movie, the girls with whom I spent my afternoon decided to talk in front of the movie theater for about 45 minutes... Honestly I thought I was going to punch a baby in the face! I just wanted these ladies to make their way to the metro and leave me with the girl... But no! One of them intelligently suggested that we all go to a café together... So, we went to McDonalds...
No lie, for over 2 hours I sat and listed to these women talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. It was a nightmare! After, one of the girls asked the girl with whom I was supposed to spend my afternoon what metro line she was taking to get home. When my "girl" told the other girl that she would be taking line 7, the girl in question said, "Oh good! We're taking the same line!!!" Had there been a baby in the room, by this point I would have thrown it into the wall!!! I followed the girls out and when my "girl" asked me what line I was taking to get home, I told her that I would accompany her to where she was staying. I could have taken this horrible afternoon as a hint to get lost, but I had invested too much into this adventure not to see it through. When we got onto the metro, we talked a bit before the two girls started to get sleepy. When it was time to get off, we both said goodbye to the other girl and I walked with my "girl" back towards her friend's home where she was staying for the evening. As we walked out of the metro, my "girl" started talking about how she didn't know what she was going to eat in the morning. It may not have been the perfect time, but I then said to her, "You know, I like you a lot!" Her response, "What does that have to do with what I'm going to eat in the morning?" She then kept on talking about how she could eat her friend's rabbit or maybe they had left some food in the fridge. I finally just stopped her and said, "I don't think you realize what I just said..." She then started babbling about how she just isn't... Or at this time in her life she is just... I really don't know what she said because I don't care. The point of the matter is that she let me take her out on a date, let me think that she was interested and now that I was ready to confess my feelings and offer her a late birthday present, she shit on my face... The end...
Needless to say I kept the present and plan on giving it to my colleagues tomorrow morning. You know, sometimes life just sucks! But too bad! You get up, dust yourself off and get back on the horse! There are worst things that have happened. At least I know that she's not the one and that I can go on knowing that I made the effort. I have lost nothing! She has lost an opportunity! At the end of the day, too bad for her!