This message will not be translated
into French because I don't care to share with France what has recently gone
down...
So I've had many discussions with my best friend John
about how women are insane... And as I grow older, I become more and more aware
of the accuracy of this point-of-view... You may not agree with me, and I may
or may not care... But if you need a good ole' story to share with your friends
over a nice glass of wine, here ya go cowboy:
I received a text from a girl a while back asking me
to translate a sentence for her. When I saw who had sent me the message, I was
excited because I had once tried to date her only to get the impression that
she wasn't interested. However, when I saw that she just needed me to translate
a message, I thought, "Oh great just another person who thinks that I
moved to France to become the country's English professor..." I thus translated
the message and sent it back. After, she sent me another message telling me
that she hadn't seen me in a while. I then responded by saying that I myself
had not seen her in a while. We exchanged a few messages and that was the end
of the story. Two weeks later I started to think about the sentence that she
had asked me to translate. After having thought it over, I realized that it
wasn't a very complicated sentence and that she might have just used that as an
excuse to contact me. I wasn't positive of my hypothesis, but was willing to do
some research. I therefore sent her a message insisting on the fact that I
hadn't seen her in a while and that we needed to grab a drink at some point.
She responded positively and informed me that she was on vacation but that she
would be happy to meet up when she got back to Paris. A few days later I sent
another text just to see how she was doing and we continued to exchange
messages back and forth for a while until she came back to Paris. At the end of
every text conversation I insisted that she let me know when she makes it back
to Paris so that we can go out for a drink. Each time she responded by telling
me that she would be sure to contact me.
The day that she made it back to Paris, I didn't
receive a message, but decided not to react just to give her some time. A few days
later, I received a message asking me if I would be available to hang out with
her either Friday or Saturday afternoon. I was very pleased to see that she had
contacted me and opted for the Friday afternoon after work option. I offered to
swing by her work to pick her up and got the permission from my boss to leave
early on Friday. I was elated!
On Friday when I got to work, I told my closest colleagues
that I would be taking a girl out after work. Everyone was so excited for me! I
was hyped! I planned to leave the office at around 5pm but at around 4pm I
couldn't work anymore because I was so nervous. I wasn't freaking out or
anything, but just getting excited about what was about to happen. At 5pm I
left the office wishing everyone a good weekend and plunged into the metro to pick
up my date.
When I got to her work, I waited in the court yard for
her to come out. She came out and seemed very excited. She started talking really
fast as if she was nervous and began walking almost as fast as she was talking.
I offered to take her to a wine bar in Montmartre and she seemed very enthused!
We got to the wine bar and ordered a cheese tray with the appropriate wine to
go with it. The waiter made some suggestions and spoke to us in wine terms that
neither one of us understood. It was quite a funny yet romantic moment. During
the date I had mentioned a Jewish restaurant that I had recently visited with a
friend. She seemed interested and told me that she would like to try it some
time. When we left the wine bar, I asked her if she was hungry and when she
said yes, I offered to take her to the Jewish restaurant. She willingly
accepted.
We had dinner at the restaurant and then I suggested
that we take a walk through Paris. She was up for it. We then walked in front
of City Hall and then in front of Notre Dame. At Notre Dame, we stopped and
started chatting. I couldn't tell if she was ready to go home or if she wanted
me to kiss her. I thus suggested that we keep walking. She then mentioned that
she wanted to walk towards to metro in order to make sure that she didn't miss
the last train home. I took that as a sign that she was not interested in me
and ready to leave. I then walked us towards Pont Neuf (the most romantic
bridge in Paris) where she just stopped and started watching the boats float
by. I followed in her game and stopped to chat as we stared at the water. We
then started walking again when she stopped once more to look at the water. This
time, she took out some breath mints and offered one to me. I figured that it
was a sign that she wanted to kiss, but I wasn't about to kiss her on our first
date... She then stated that she was worried about finding her way back to her
friend's apartment (where she was staying for the night) in the dark. I then
said, "Don't worry; in any case, I will walk you home!" She seemed
enthused with the idea, so we both took the last metro together back to her
friend's apartment. When we got to the door of the apartment building, I
figured that I would say good night and go home; however, she invited me in. I
thus followed her in and we talked for a little while. Still wishing to be a
gentleman, I didn't kiss her. When I felt like it was time to leave, I offered
that we meet up on Sunday afternoon after church to go to the movies. She was
exited with the idea and willingly accepted.
As I was walking home, she sent me a message to let me
know that she had a wonderful evening. I responded saying that I had also had a
great time.
On Saturday, I sent her a message telling her to have
a good evening with her sister (as she had planned to spend Saturday evening
with her sister). She responded and we exchanged a few texts throughout the
day. I met up with a friend of mine later on that afternoon and explained to
him the whole situation. He was so happy for me! We both agreed that she seemed
interested and that I was a pretty lucky fellow! I then mentioned that I needed
to buy her a gift because her birthday was in July and she was not in Paris for
me to see her. He recommended that we go to a gourmet grocery store where they
sell some of the most amazing macaroons in the world. I agreed with the idea
and followed him to the store where I purchased a nice tin with 14 macaroons
wrapped in a nice gift sack with a ribbon.
The next day (Sunday) I met up with the girl after
church and she said, "Hey would you mind if we went to see the film
Brave?" and when she meant "we", she was talking about her plus
three other girls... FML!!! I agreed (like an idiot) and followed these women
to the theater. After the movie, the girls with whom I spent my afternoon
decided to talk in front of the movie theater for about 45 minutes... Honestly
I thought I was going to punch a baby in the face! I just wanted these ladies
to make their way to the metro and leave me with the girl... But no! One of
them intelligently suggested that we all go to a café together... So, we went
to McDonalds...
No lie, for over 2 hours I sat and listed to these women
talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. It was a nightmare!
After, one of the girls asked the girl with whom I was supposed to spend my
afternoon what metro line she was taking to get home. When my "girl"
told the other girl that she would be taking line 7, the girl in question said,
"Oh good! We're taking the same line!!!" Had there been a baby in the
room, by this point I would have thrown it into the wall!!! I followed the
girls out and when my "girl" asked me what line I was taking to get
home, I told her that I would accompany her to where she was staying. I could
have taken this horrible afternoon as a hint to get lost, but I had invested
too much into this adventure not to see it through. When we got onto the metro,
we talked a bit before the two girls started to get sleepy. When it was time to
get off, we both said goodbye to the other girl and I walked with my
"girl" back towards her friend's home where she was staying for the
evening. As we walked out of the metro, my "girl" started talking
about how she didn't know what she was going to eat in the morning. It may not
have been the perfect time, but I then said to her, "You know, I like you
a lot!" Her response, "What does that have to do with what I'm going
to eat in the morning?" She then kept on talking about how she could eat
her friend's rabbit or maybe they had left some food in the fridge. I finally
just stopped her and said, "I don't think you realize what I just
said..." She then started babbling about how she just isn't... Or at this
time in her life she is just... I really don't know what she said because I
don't care. The point of the matter is that she let me take her out on a date,
let me think that she was interested and now that I was ready to confess my feelings
and offer her a late birthday present, she shit on my face... The end...
Needless to say I kept the present and plan on giving
it to my colleagues tomorrow morning. You know, sometimes life just sucks! But
too bad! You get up, dust yourself off and get back on the horse! There are
worst things that have happened. At least I know that she's not the one and
that I can go on knowing that I made the effort. I have lost nothing! She has
lost an opportunity! At the end of the day, too bad for her!
